I want to continue to look at the practicalities of setting boundaries……..
PROTECTION!
We set a boundary in place to protect ourselves from being abused. Abuse takes many forms, verbal, non-verbal, physical, sexual, mental etc. We must remind ourselves that we have the right to send boundaries and not feel guilty or condemned when we do.
Unless we forearm ourselves with this knowledge, we will back down and capitulate when the threats and accusations flow. People will accuse us of being mean spirited, selfish, hurtful and even abusive. They will issue threats, mouth retaliation, send us to Coventry (go silent on us) and it all has one aim – to push the boundary and see if we will capitulate.
If we can picture the other person as an unruly child that needs boundaries to discipline and train them, it will strengthen our resolve to stand firm against any pressure. In fact, that is what the other person is behaving as – an unruly child.
Wherever our parents failed (don’t blame them) to set boundaries we will carry such behaviour over into adulthood and other people are forced to finish the job they started.
Be Wise! - Surround yourself with people you can contact either before or after you’ve set a boundary. These people will empower us, guide us and encourage us. Don’t go it alone – even the Lone Ranger had Tonto to help him.
Prov 27:12 A sensible man watches for problems ahead and prepares to meet them. The simpleton never looks and suffers the consequences. (TLB)
So remember: BE STRONG AND DETERMINED!
DON’T BE A VICTIM
When we become aware that someone is transgressing our personal boundaries, if we allow them to continue such behaviour, it is our fault not there’s. Hence if we complain, moan or have a pity party, we have now become a victim of our circumstances.
For the person who doesn’t want to face up to setting boundaries, it becomes an ideal excuse to blame shift: “it’s their fault, they are always taking advantage of me” or “I told him not to speak to me in that way but he won’t stop.”
We are using our excuse to blame shift as a red herring to take the spotlight away from us and make somebody else the scapegoat for our own irresponsibility.
What we need is a friend who will gently confront us and tell us to stop being a victim and jolt us back to reality. We have to set the boundary, no else can do it for us, so put your trust in Jesus and face up to your responsibility!
Ps 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (KJV)
Meditation Point: I no longer need be a victim. With Jesus by my side I can face up to and confront my weaknesses and set proper boundaries to protect myself from harm.
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