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Grace Forgiveness Pt 6

I want to continue to look at the practicalities of setting boundaries……..


We set a boundary in place to protect ourselves from being abused. Abuse takes many forms, verbal, non-verbal, physical, sexual, mental etc. We must remind ourselves that we have the right to send boundaries and not feel guilty or condemned when we do.

Unless we forearm ourselves with this knowledge, we will back down and capitulate when the threats and accusations flow. People will accuse us of being mean spirited, selfish, hurtful and even abusive. They will issue threats, mouth retaliation, send us to Coventry (go silent on us) and it all has one aim – to push the boundary and see if we will capitulate.

If we can picture the other person as an unruly child that needs boundaries to discipline and train them, it will strengthen our resolve to stand firm against any pressure. In fact, that is what the other person is behaving as – an unruly child.

Wherever our parents failed (don’t blame them) to set boundaries we will carry such behaviour over into adulthood and other people are forced to finish the job they started.

Be Wise! - Surround yourself with people you can contact either before or after you’ve set a boundary. These people will empower us, guide us and encourage us. Don’t go it alone – even the Lone Ranger had Tonto to help him.

Prov 27:12 A sensible man watches for problems ahead and prepares to meet them. The simpleton never looks and suffers the consequences. (TLB)



When we become aware that someone is transgressing our personal boundaries, if we allow them to continue such behaviour, it is our fault not there’s. Hence if we complain, moan or have a pity party, we have now become a victim of our circumstances.

For the person who doesn’t want to face up to setting boundaries, it becomes an ideal excuse to blame shift: “it’s their fault, they are always taking advantage of me” or “I told him not to speak to me in that way but he won’t stop.”

We are using our excuse to blame shift as a red herring to take the spotlight away from us and make somebody else the scapegoat for our own irresponsibility.

What we need is a friend who will gently confront us and tell us to stop being a victim and jolt us back to reality. We have to set the boundary, no else can do it for us, so put your trust in Jesus and face up to your responsibility!

Ps 27:1  The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?  (KJV)

Meditation Point: I no longer need be a victim. With Jesus by my side I can face up to and confront my weaknesses and set proper boundaries to protect myself from harm.



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Grace Forgiveness Pt 5


Today we want to look at the practicalities of boundaries. Let’s start with…..

1) Personal Responsibility : We must make the decision to take responsibility for our lives. That means being willing to set a boundary in place and telling the other person, ‘NO’. Unless we’re willing to take responsibility, we will remain a victim of our circumstances. Victims blame shift, complain and allow others to rescue them because it saves them having to take responsibility.

2) Overcoming Fear : The major reluctance in people to set boundaries is the fear of what man will do to them. Hence they don’t like to say, ‘NO’.

There are 2 things we can and must do if we are to overcome fear.

a) We must put our trust in God and confess His word over our lives. This means if all hell breaks lose, if we are threatened, accused or blamed, we must steadfastly keep our trust fixed in God. He will turn things around in His way and His time.

2 Tim 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  (NKJV)

Heb 13:6 “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”  (NKJV)

b) The only way to deal with fear is to confront it. When we do this we find the fear dissipating and a boldness replacing it.

3) Boundaries Force People To Take Responsibility

When we establish boundaries it forces people to take personal responsibility for their actions. Most people don’t like to take responsibility, therefore be prepared for a reaction. Anger, shouting, threats, accusations etc will most likely be the result of setting a boundary. But as we hold firm to our decision, the other person will back away and the boundary will become established.

Many people say they’ve set boundaries but back down in the face of opposition. We’ve got to be determined to follow through on our decisions.

If we can but establish one boundary, it will empower us to set more. The Scripture says,

“Let the weak say I’m strong” (Joel 3:10 NKJV).

Heb 13:5-6 For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (NKJV)

We must declare this over our lives when fear arises. By boldly declaring the word over ourselves, it releases the power in the word to strengthen us.

Whenever God wanted to create a thing, He spoke it into existence. As He did so, the latent power in the word was released to bring that thing into existence.

Gen 1:3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. (NKJV)

Rom 4:17-18 God, gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did;  (NKJV)

Meditation Point: I will boldly proclaim over myself that I am strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. As I ‘say God’s word, it releases the word’s latent power.




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Grace Forgiveness Pt 4


Another aspect which is crucial to understanding forgiveness is that of ‘boundaries’. God is a God of boundaries. In Gen Ch 1 God gathered the waters together making a separation between the seas and dry land. 

Gen 1:9,10 Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so.  And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good. (NKJV)

To stop the water flooding back onto the dry ground, God put a boundary in. How did He do it. He spoke a creative word and commanded the waves to remain in the place where He had put them. He drew a line in the sand and said, “Thus far and no further.”

Job 38:8-11 “Who decreed the boundaries of the seas when they gushed from the depths? And barred them by limiting their shores,  and said, ‘Thus far and no farther shall you come, and here shall your proud waves stop!’?  (TLB)

Remember when Jesus was with His disciples in a boat on Lake Galilee. A storm erupted and as water filled the boat, it began to sink. Where was Jesus. In the back of the boat, fast asleep. The disciples out of fear woke Him up: Matt 8:26 says, ‘ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.’

Jesus spoke a word of authority and commanded the wind and waves to calm down. What had He done. He had set a boundary!

Part of the righteous lifestyle of the Christian is to set boundaries with the people, circumstances and issues of life that surround them. That means making decisions which involve the words, ‘YES’ and ‘NO.

Many of us like to use the word ‘YES’ but have a problem saying ‘NO. We don’t want to upset people, especially those closest to us. We feel guilty, as if we’ve done something wrong. We don’t like being disliked!

Hence, we allow others to invade our space and privacy and allow them to dictate the pattern of our lives. We allow them to transgress our boundaries and it triggers anger, resentment and bitterness which leads to unforgiveness.

Today is the day of deliverance and hope. God is saying to you that He has given you authority and power to set boundaries in your life. To draw a line in the sand and say, “Thus far and no further”.

In our next Blog we will look at the practical details of boundaries and how to set them in our lives to bring protection, freedom and an enrichment to our relationships.

Meditation Point: I have the right to set boundaries in my life. I can overcome my fears and say NO to those closest to me because saying NO is an act of love!




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